Gone

One-third of my family is gone.

Out of six people in our family, only four are left on earth.

The family that Al and I created almost 28 years ago is now shattered.

To say that my life has been irreparably damaged might seem dramatic, but this is not the life I imagined when we got married. I chose to build a life with my soulmate, and I shared more intimacy with him than with any other person on the planet. We both lost our daughter four years ago, and I was grateful for the time that we were able to grieve together and support each other. But now he's gone, and everything seems so much scarier, so much more uncertain.

I thought that having survived Joy's death, I would be more equipped to deal with Al's death. We spent time grieving together when it became clear that his brain was starting to die. We had two years to prepare, but no matter how much time I had with him, it still hurts exponentially more now that I'm grieving alone.

I have long thought that God was allowing me to go through heartbreak after heartbreak so that I could become a more sympathetic listener and a more effective author. Let's just say that for now, I feel accomplished if I get out of bed before noon, make a single phone call, and manage to stop crying at some point during the day.

But I will write.

It may not make sense at first because pain doesn't always make sense. But I hope to be able to share my story in a way that encourages others.

Some day.

Photo by Myriams-Fotos on Pixabay